How to handle long-distance relationships: an approach.
Atualizado: 25 de Jul de 2020
1. Schedule things for the future.
Planning things for the future can help provide the light at the end of the tunnel. It motivates you to look forward to something, and that motivation is really important. So if you can’t see each other for a month or two, then buy your plane tickets in advance. Know when you will see her next. That way it gives you something to think about, something to propel you in the relationship. It also shows your devotion to one another because it shows you’re both trying to make it work. If she is not making the same amount of effort to plan something with you for the future, then that is something to openly communicate.
2. Communicate your frustrations and be understanding.
Being in a long-distance relationship can be really frustrating because you spend much of your time alone and wanting to be with your partner. All you can do is share your life with her over the phone or on FaceTime and that can feel incredibly isolating. There’s no doubt about it: long-distance relationships take compromise. At the end of the day, the main reason long-distance relationships fail is that all of this frustration builds up without communicating those feelings. When it comes time to communicate the frustration, fingers get pointed and arguments become an attack. If you’re able to remember that a long-distance relationship requires teamwork and experiencing these frustrations together, then you can understand that these feelings come from a mutual place of love. It’s important to be understanding and to try to be as empathetic as possible when these arguments happen. Let your frustrations be openly communicated.
3. Remember your life goals.
The goals in your life should always come first and often it can be the reason why you’re in a long term relationship in the first place. Never sacrifice your purpose and life ambitions for a relationship. Live each day fully, whether your partner is absent or not. As long as you continue to focus on your goals and on cultivating your own friendships, hobbies, and interests, you will continue to have a healthy interdependent long-distance relationship.
4. Know your long term plan.
If one partner views separation as a temporary hurdle that will lead to a major commitment – whether that be moving in together or engagement – while the other sees it as a simple necessity that can be sustained more long term, then there is bound to be conflict. There has to be a similar long term goal in mind for a long-distance relationship. If there isn’t, a lot of confusion and misunderstanding arise. Having a long term plan makes it clear that you both see one another in each other’s future, what expectations you both have, and what sacrifices you are both willing to make. Talking about it openly will reveal what kind of compromises will result. These discussions have to be out in the open in order to make it work.
5. Know each other’s schedules.
Different time zones, different work schedules, different sleep preferences mean it’s going to be harder to sync up your schedules. Even the most well-intentioned couples have difficulty with this hurdle that results from a distance. When you’re both physically together, it’s obviously easier to naturally get into the groove of each other’s schedules. Make the effort to know when she is at her most energized and when she is able to dedicate time to a private conversation without time limitations. Do you prefer a set time when you communicate, or does it vary day by day? As long as both of you feel like the communication is mutually satisfying for your life schedules, then no resentment or frustration will be built up from not feeling a supportive or convenient relationship.
6. Stay positive.
While it may seem awful to not be physically together, the research shows that there is much to be celebrated by having a long-distance relationship. Remind yourself that being apart reminds you of how much you appreciate her, how grateful you are for her. This will help you to remain positive even in the most difficult scenarios. When you can grow together through a hurdle, you develop a deeper sense of intimacy — and that’s a huge positive.
Trust the Process!